It’s not unusual to feel completely lacking in self confidence at the end of a relationship, especially if you’re not the one who ended it.

There is a sense of loss, dreams dashed and an unknown future lies ahead. It’s no wonder you become uncertain and fearful. Friends and family telling you to go out and meet people is easily said but not easily done when all you want to do is curl up in a fleece with the TV and a cup of hot chocolate.

Self-esteem is about being able to hold a favorable appreciation or opinion of yourself, and when you’re not getting your essential emotional needs met, you can feel unworthy of care and affection.

Everyone loses confidence in themselves now and then and recognizing this is the first step in regaining your self-confidence. For some who don’t recognize this, their lack of self-confidence can slip into depression. Whether it’s at work or at home everyone can benefit from feeling good about themselves and their abilities.

Signs of low self-esteem

• Avoiding challenges and opportunities
• Avoiding responsibilities
• Being overly dependent on others
• Relying on others to make decisions
• Putting yourself down
• Isolating yourself
• Becoming highly emotional, possibly depressed

Raising self-esteem

When you feel good about yourself it’s easy to value yourself and regard the world as a great place.

It’s too simple to imagine that by just telling someone to be positive they will start to feel better about themselves, and it is far from useful to agree with them that all is doom and gloom. We all have choice but someone with low self-esteem may not be able to see anything other than the darkness of no confidence. The trick is to enable someone to take responsibility for themselves.

Some tips for raising self-esteem

• Appreciate yourself – make time to relax and unwind, give yourself a ‘gift’
• Accept that you have limitations
• Stop criticising yourself
• Recognise what you have achieved and are good at
• Pamper yourself
• Focus on good feelings, remember times when you have been happy, relaxed and at peace
• Accept compliments when they’re given
• Remind yourself of your good qualities and of times you have been successful
• Try not to think in black and white terms, explore the grey!
• Set yourself realistic goals
• Start an exercise regime